If you happen to be in Denver, Dan and I hope you can join us on March 2nd at 9:30am at Rodef Shalom for our Auf Ruf.Auf Ruf? What the heck is an Auf Ruf, you ask?
Well, every Saturday Jews read a section of the Torah during services. The weekly parsha, or Torah portion, is scheduled on a cycle to ensure that the entire Torah is read out loud during the course of one year.When the Torah is read aloud in a synagogue, members of the congregation are called up to say a blessing before and after the reading; being called up to say these blessings is called receiving an aliyah and is a great honor.An auf ruf is the custom of being called up to the Torah for an aliyah, usually the shabbat before the wedding. It is usually the groom, but in our case, we will share in the honor. We will come up to the Torah, say the blessing, the Torah will be read, we will say the next blessing and then the rabbi and congregation will shower us with (preferably soft! wrapped!) candy as a symbol of sweetness and support. The rabbi will then bless the us and our union.Once we have completed the whole service, join us afterwards as Dan's parents have graciously sponsored a kiddush and oneg (meal). There will be delicious food and good company.A special thank you to Michael and Elena Haykin for sponsoring this for us and to Rabbi Gerson and Rodef Shalom for welcoming us into their community.
A culinary decision
Our wedding is in 18 days. 18 DAYS I SAY! I can't believe how soon that is.We have planned our wedding relatively fast. One of my brother's best friends from elementary school used to work for the Knot.com... when I told her we were getting married in 5 1/2 months she was shocked and then proceeded to tell me that the average engagement these days is one year. ONE YEAR! Oy! Anyway, we held our invitations back until we made final decisions on our meal at the wedding. We wanted to give more detailed choices and I am glad I listened to Dan's urging to wait. We ended up going a different route completely than I had anticipated. That being said...Drum roll please...
We are having a dairy wedding. While I am sure some of you totally understand that sentence, I am sure many of you don't. Let me explain.Dan and I keep kosher. We don't mix milk and meat, we don't eat shellfish, we don't eat pork... anymore. We had our last traif hurrah and now none of that is on the menu. Honestly, we pretty much kept kosher the whole time we knew each other other deciding to start our lives together and build a Jewish home together, we decided there was no wiggle room. We would have a last day for traif and that was it. Anywho, we had to make a decision for our wedding. We could have a fully kosher meal, with kosher protein. That means the cake would have NO dairy in it (aka fake icing and no butter). Everything we serve would either be meat based or have no dairy in it. This would double the price for our catering, we would have had to cut back our guest list even further and to add "insult" to "injury" we could not serve the delicious wine and booze we want to. It would have to be kosher wine and only liquor that is kosher as well (no sherry casks for the scotch). There would be someone on site monitoring everything and it seemed rather... limiting.After much discussion, we chose to go the path of a dairy meal. Yes our guests would have to forgo the traditional steak or chicken but we could offer them a much more exciting meal with more food and more options. We could also then have a delicious dairy cake with buttercream frosting and the most delicious wine and booze we could buy. This also enables our kosher keeping guests to have the fish or pasta option OR if that doesn't work for them (because there is no kosher supervision) we will order a special glatt kosher meal for them from the kosher deli.Additionally, it allowed us to give further options to our guests. Instead of a meat and a vegetarian dish, we offered a lovely fish dish and two pastas! If I may say so myself, all of the food is amazing.The fact of the matter is this, we are so excited to celebrate with our family and friends and we wanted to provide the nicest meal we could. In this case, that meant offering fish and dairy in abundance. I know it is different than usual, but we hope that our friends are coming to celebrate with us... not just to eat the food.
An old Jewish tradition, that we are skipping
There is an old Jewish tradition that the week prior to the wedding, the chasson (groom) and kallah (bride) don't see each other. In fact, they are even given shomrim (guards) to ensure that they don't run into each other. I have seen this practice when I went to Crown Heights, the headquarters of Chabad Judaism, for my friend's weddings. I even acted as a shomeret (female guard) for one friend (it's a big honor to be asked). Basically, you are their chaperone.A friend of mine in Israel, Chaviva, is getting married tomorrow and she was discussing on her blog that they are not holding to this tradition either. What I found so interesting was the history and details of the halacha (Jewish law) behind this... or really the lack there of. She says:
This custom seems to date back to as early as 1228, but in Jerusalem it was introduced in the early 1700s. The main reasons cited by poskim for why a couple shouldn't see each other in the week leading up to the wedding are that forced separation builds excitement and that it decreases the likelihood of premarital relations (seriously?), but also that it can be a tense period of time in which strife could arise and the wedding could be called off as a result of stress, tension, and arguments (“There is no marriage contract that does not contain a quarrel,” Shabbat 130a). After watching a few episodes of Bridezillas, this makes gobs of sense, but it also doesn't explain why in most religious circles this has become the required "law." Where exactly does it all come from?Let's start with this interesting morsel.
"In a footnote, Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan (Made in Heaven, [New York, 1983], p. 67) cites two other works that mention the custom, and then states that the source for the custom may be YD 192:1, the section that deals with dam chimud ... [which is the] concern that meeting the chatan [groom] may cause the kallah [bride]to have a discharge that could invalidate the shivah nekiyim (seven clean days before going to the mikvah)."
Both Rabbi Kaplan and Rabbi Binyomin Forst find this tie suspect at best, because the Talmud requires that upon accepting a marriage proposal or setting a wedding date that she might discharge blood as a result of the excitement (talk about a complete lack of understanding about the female body, am I right?). Even if this were to happen, she's still required to observe seven "clean days" prior to the wedding, so unless she's getting engaged and married seven days later, there's no concern here (also, because, you know, women don't bleed when they get excited).In Sefer Minhagim: The Book of Chabad-Lubavitch Customs, the footnote simply cites letters from the Rebbe Menachem Mendel Schneerson as the basis for the tradition. However,"Nitei Gavriel, a recent, comprehensive source of customs, does not mention this practice, but records that around one hundred years ago, there was a custom in Jerusalem of the bride and groom going together to famous rabbis to get their blessings during the week before the wedding (Hilchot Nisuin, p. 55, in the name of Sdei Chemed, Ma’arechet Chatan Vekallah, 22)."
The reality is that halakah requires that a bride and groom must see each other before the wedding, which makes this custom kind of strange even at its very roots. Even Ravs Moshe Feinstein and Aharon Soloveichik advocated for not letting this custom serve as an inconvenience to couples prior to the wedding.
I find this all so fascinating. I watched my friends struggle with this custom but still take it in stride. But remember, their relationships were limited from the start (no touching at all prior to marriage) and their engagements, relatively short. In fact, my friend Rucheli writes on her blog here that she missed her husband to be during that week and missed his council when she needed it but it was more of a pain to drag a shomeret to New Jersey with her for a job interview.While I like the idea that it would be like seeing Dan for the first time on our wedding day when he veils me, I know that it will still feel that way. We will leave each other the night before our wedding to go sleep in separate places. It will be the hardest night for me, not only without the man I love, but because I know I will be in transition. When I wake up in the morning it will be my own personal Yom Kippur. A day that I am intimately connected to HaShem, G-d but also to my husband.I will go to bed a fiancé and wake up a bride.
Ketubah!
We did it! Whew! Pulled the trigger on the not only the ketubah but on the language as well. Harder than I thought it would be.Think about it. You have to buy a piece of art, that is going to hang on your wall forever, that will extol your love for each other (in a non-cheesy way) but that meets the legal requirements of Jewish law so if we ever move to Israel, they believe we are legally married.That's a lot of pressure on one little piece of art!After hours of looking, we chose a paper cut ketubah from Etsy. The Terrace Ketuba by Melanie Dankowicz is beautiful. I would have never thought that I would go for a paper cut ketubah but I love it! Here's an image of it from her shop:
I think it is stunning and beautiful! Something that I won't be embarrassed to have on my wall 30 years from now and I don't think it will fade either. I hope our kids think it's cool too. :)
As for the language, there are so many different versions. Even if you say "I'm going to be strict and only use the Orthodox version..." The translations into English are very different! The traditional ketubah is written in Aramaic, not Hebrew. I thought that was kinda cool but in the end, we used the orthodox version as a template and added in pieces that fulfilled our vision of Judaism and our relationship. I will share our language with you after the wedding (have to keep somethings a secret!) but I am very happy with it. I accurately describes our roles in our marriage. :)
Check out Melanie's site on Etsy for more paper cuts and AMAZING art work! Click here - MelanieCuts
Kippot Have Arrived!
We just got the kippot for the wedding! It was so exciting to get a huge, heavy box filled hundreds of kippot! This is just one piece we will be giving our guests at the wedding.
I was a voracious wedding/bar/bat mitzvah kippah collector when I was younger. We had every color, shape, and material you could imagine. In fact... For my bat mitzvah my grandpa Milton so graciously paid for the kippot as a gift to me... he wanted me to have everything I wanted... even if that meant alternating satin panels of teal and rose... yes, your eyes are not deceiving you... my bat mitzvah kippot were TEAL AND PINK! Oy. My only defense is that it was the early 90's...
Anywho, I shopped around online for the perfect kippah. I found them at A1 Skullcap! Since our colors are navy and yellow, we went with a navy suede with gold imprint... I never dreamed I would do a gold imprint... I seriously dislike gold but... it works! I love them! And I highly doubt our children will tease me for these as badly as they will tease me for my bat mitzvah ones...
Can't wait to share them with our guests.
A Shabbat of Peace For All
I am taking a moment out of my day to stop reading about the impeding war in Israel... to stop looking at pictures of dead and injured children on both sides... to stop drafting messages from my CEO to our community on what is going on in Israel...Why? (Other than the obvious answer of, that is all insanely depressing) To say to all of you...
SHABBAT SHALOM
Let this be a sabbath of peace. For the Israelis. For the Gazans and Palestinians. For my friends and family who are in target zones. For the bitter armchair internet warriors who call people on the other side horrible names and accuse them of horrible acts. For each and every one of us.
Helping the Victims of Hurricane Sandy - Tikkun Olam
There are many ways to help Hurricane Sandy victims. I wanted to share a post here from a friend on Facebook, Rabbi Shmuly Yanklowitz who runs Uri L'Tzedek (Awaken to Justice) - a Jewish organization committed to making this world a better place.This was posted today: November 2, 2012
If you are looking for opportunities for today to volunteer in NYC:1. There is a shelter on 192nd and Audobon (inside the public school) that needs volunteers.2. 200 East 5th street at 10:30am to distribute food and supplies. Bring dry food (granola bars, sandwiches, etc)3. The Mazel School is still requesting volunteers today at 2901 Brighton 6th Street, Brooklyn, NY 11235, and donations at http://www.donatemazel.com4. The Jewish Community Project and Chabad will be meeting at 1 PM today in front of Independence Plaza (310 Greenwich Street) to assist the elderly in those buildings. Please bring extra flashlights, water, batteries, and supplies, in case it is needed.For Sunday:Uri L'Tzedek is joining with the Jewish Center and Ansche Chesed to visit the elderly on the UWS. Although they did not lose power, the hurricane was frightening and many regular visitors were unable to stop by this week. Come comfort these elderly members of our community by making packages at the Jewish Center and bringing them to the Jewish Home and to other members of the community.Sunday, November 4th at 10:30 am at the Jewish Center (131 West 86th Street, New York, NY 10024 ) and the program concludes at 1:30 pm. A light lunch will be served upon your return. This program is part of UJA-Federation of NY’s Jewish Social Action Month.Additionally, you can see more opportunities listed by Repair the World.
In addition, my organization - Allied Jewish Federation of Colorado - is collecting donations to give to our headquarters in NYC (Jewish Federations of North America). If you are, like me, not in NYC and can't volunteer, consider making a gift to help the Jewish communities recover in NYC. Go to http://jewi.sh/hurricanesandy to donate.
Lastly, a friend of mine who is from Denver... but who I met is Israel has been impacted. Her sister's home and Chabad house was washed away with nothing but the clothing on her back and one picture surviving. Her family is without a home and all their seforim (Jewish holy books) have been destroyed. If you want to make a donation specifically to only this family, read their story by clicking here then donate!
I hope everyone has a place to be for shabbat and that we move into next week with some joy!
How does our garden grow?
In March, a friend asked me if I would be interested in meeting a guy friend of hers. "He's a really nice guy and very cute," she told me. "Sure," I said, "send me a picture?" She did and man, was this guy cute.We spoke for the first time in the beginning of April (2012). Halfway through our first date, I texted my roommate, "This is the man I am going to marry."Our dating experience could have been typical... dinners out, movies, etc. But our romance was far from that. About our second or third date, I told him about the garden I was setting up. You see, that winter I had put my name on a list to get a community garden plot at Ekar Farm here in Denver. Ekar is a part of the Denver Urban Gardens movement but it is more than a community garden. There is also a farm that produced almost 6,500 pounds of organic produce and donated it to Jewish Family Service's Weinberg Food Pantry. They have honey bees and apple trees and it is quite a beautiful place... but it wasn't that beautiful on April 1st when I saw my overgrown plot for the first time. I started to think I was a little out of my league.
But then I met this guy... or as he is referred to on this blog, Sweet Boyfriend. You see, I invited him to join me at the garden one Sunday (after our third date) to help me clear out the plot and turn over the soil.We went to the garden with another friend of mine and pulled weeds. We cleared the old radishes out of the plot and he hand tilled the soil. Then we put bat poop and earthworm 'castings' (it's a fancy word for poop) on the soil. We tilled that and watered and watered and watered.He showed me how to set up the garden and we put some seeds in the ground. A few of my favorite veggies... carrots, beans, beets... he smiled nicely and let me do it... even though it wasn't the right season.But as our garden began to grow, and it did begin to grow... because he put MORE seeds in and starter plants, so did our relationship. On Sundays we would go to the garden and water and pick. Most days of the week he would water... unless I managed to get out of the door on time or he was out of town. I was so proud of this little plot of land! I didn't want to 'break' it.We read about gardens, he was growing tomatoes out of pots on his back porch. AND he had a garden at his parents house... he was now master gardener of THREE gardens!And then something magical happened. Just as we saw the seeds begin to sprout, he took me to a very cute bar and told me he loved me and had known he loved me for a while. I couldn't help but tell him that I had loved him for a while as well.Our love had sprouted.
We both traveled in and out of town. We started spending every second of every day that we had available together. Phone calls to parents were missed... friends forgot what we looked like. We were absorbing each other. And so were our plants.Our empty plot began to have tiny plants. My impatience led to many conversations with these little guys, begging them to grow big and give me delicious food... little did I know...Our little plants needed support and care. Sweet Boyfriend bought poles and netting... stepping stones and organic plant food. Every time I visited the garden, there were new surprises.Every time I looked at Sweet Boyfriend, the depth of love I felt for him surprised me. How could I love him so very much in just two months, three months?! While he and I both remained somewhat skeptical and trying to think critically... though he more than I (which you know if you know us). But there was a tug there that was undeniable. To think of life without him... I draw a blank.
And then, we produced our first vegetable. His name was Bob and he was a Calabacita. It means squash in Spanish but it is an actual kind squash. I WAS SO PROUD! In fact, I took the opportunity to freak out my parents by sending them an email with the subject line: "Sweet Boyfriend and I are proud to announce..."Yes, they were mad at me when they opened the email and it said - "Our first squash named Bob!" :) Bob was incredibly delicious. We went on to eat many Bobs... son of Bob, tiny Bob, giant Bob... Bob is good.Yes, that is Bob in the picture. We had no idea what he was at first but to taste the fruits of our labor? To eat something that we had grown together? Incredible. We ate him on Fourth of July... which was the same day that we as a couple, for the first time, hosted people at Sweet Boyfriend's house for a BBQ.We continued to show the world that our relationship was bearing fruit (or vegetables... or Bobs as the case may be).And yes, our relationship continued to evolve and grow. We met each others families and best friends. We even flew to Ann Arbor, Michigan so I could meet Sweet Boyfriend's very best friend from college. We created Jewish traditions for Shabbat and Havdallah. We got tickets to our first High Holy Days together.
And then yesterday, Thursday September, 27th, 2012... as our garden was in full bloom, Sweet Boyfriend... my best friend... asked me to marry him in our garden. The garden that we nurtured and helped grow. The garden that has now produced nearly 250 pounds of produce. And, as I promised so many friends... here is how he did it:We are currently sharing a car as his blew up prior to a camping trip. He needed it yesterday for work so he dropped me off at my job in the morning. He came to pick me up after work. We had talked about maybe working out that afternoon but first we HAD to stop by the garden. It had been a rainy and cool few days and with Yom Kippur, we hadn't been to the garden in a couple of days. He lured me there with the notion that our watermelon... yes we grew a watermelon!!! might be ready.That day I had forwarded him an email from the minyan (a lay led synagogue) that we had been attending, suggesting that we should join and do a couples membership. He told me "Whoa, lo0k you have to give me a night to think about this. Joining a synagogue as a couple is a big step. I mean, it says something, especially if we aren't even engaged!"I could kick myself! How could I do that?! Scaring off the Sweet Boyfriend is NOT a good idea!So we proceeded to the garden. I flitted around... picking zucchinis and patty-pans while Sweet Boyfriend is off in a corner. La la la... no worries in the world.Sweet Boyfriend says: "Babe! Come here! You have to see this!"I come running. Is it a awesome squash? A yellow patty-pan? I come running. Just as I get to him, he turns around, looks me in the eyes and says: "I want to spend the rest of my life with you." 
I froze. Holy crap. That isn't a squash. That is a ring. A beautiful ring."Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes," I said."Can I put this thing on your finger before I drop it in the dirt?" Sweet Boyfriend said.Of course. And though, after a touch of canoodling in the garden, I was ready to get back to picking... he informed me that it was all just a ruse to get me there. And there is champagne on ice at home. And we are going out to dinner.Whoa, can this man plan!
When it was all said and done, he has been planning this for a while. He spoke to my father at break the fast after Yom Kippur, the day before, to get permission. His folks have seen and approved of the ring (and me).He became a diamond expert and purchased me a stone cut in a vintage style... to match my vintage style... and he proposed to me in the garden we grew together. So I must tell you this, I promised him I would not use his name online. He is a phantom like that... but he is no longer Sweet Boyfriend and Sweet Fiancee seems so temporary. Since, to us, this is as good as permanent... May I introduce you to Sweet Husband? Whoa, that was weird to write. :)
Religiously Observant Athletes
It is fascinating to hear the stories already coming out of the Olympics, especially regarding religiously observant athletes.In particular, the intersection of Ramadan and the Olympics this year.The Islamic calendar is a purely lunar one. What this means is, their months float around on the secular, Gregorian calendar. Thus the month in which they must fast, Ramadan, falls in different seasons. This can become an advantage when the days are short and so are the fasts.Ramadan is one of the Five Pillars of Islam. The Five Pillars are:
- Shahadah - the declaration of faith.
- Salat - praying five times a day.
- Zakat - giving charity.
- Sawm - fasting during Ramadan.
- Hajj - pilgrimage to Mecca.
To me, these five pillars are the 'biggies' in Islam, like we have our 'biggies' in Judaism. If I had to identify them, I would probably say they are: Fasting on Yom Kippur, lighting shabbat candles, saying the Sh'ma, giving tzedakah (charity), and remembering our journey out of Egypt (aka Passover). I think it's nice to have the five most important actions/ideals laid out for you like that.Anyway, back to Ramadan. So this year, the month long fast falls during the Olympics. Many athletes have had to make the decision to either fast and (most likely) have their performance suffer OR delay their fast. Muslims who observe Ramadan are allowed to eat before daybreak or after nightfall so many wake up before the sun to get some sustenance in... but that won't work for athletes who burn the calories so fast and need hydration.As a religiously observant Jew, I love learning how other religiously observant people in other religions struggle with and find the balance of their religion and the secular world. It's been fascinating reading!What are your thoughts on religious observance 'interfering' in secular life?The Hunger Games: Muslim Athletes Observe Ramadan at London OlympicsRamadan and the Olympics: to fast or not to fast?
Creating A Return On An Investment...
ROI - in business ROI stands for return on investment... And that is exactly what Lynn Schusterman got from the recent ROI Community Summit in Jerusalem, a return on her investment of the future of the Jewish people.From June 10-14, I attended this summit in Jerusalem with 150 other young Jewish innovators. Out of 600 applications, we were selected as connectors and creators, entrepreneurs and catalysts. From the United States, Israel, England, South Africa, Latvia, Brussels, Turkey, and even Uganda, we represented 30 countries. As a community, we descended on Jerusalem to sharpen our skills and pitch new projects or refine old ideas. I instantly connected with the local director of AIPAC in Dallas, an experiential journalist from London, an event promoter from NYC, a guy working to get the Israeli flag and a Torah on the moon, a woman running a speakeasy and kosher, organic, and locally grown restaurant from her Brooklyn home, a leader in the National Young Leadership Cabinet (NYLC) in Atlanta, and a Chabad rabbi. I also got to spend time with Boulder's very own Jonathan Lev, the executive director of the Boulder JCC. All I can say is, "yeah, that happened." Words seem so inadequate to express this experience.We spent five days connecting and creating. Part of the program was the opportunity to present a concept that you want to develop and then crowd-source it to get support, help developing it, and potentially funding. This year 50 ideas were posted to the site IdeaScale and for the first time, the world could vote for them. The top three ideas and their creators had the opportunity to pitch the idea to four celebrity judges. Danna Azrieli - chair of the Azrieli Foundation in Israel. Noa Tishby - actress, producer, model, and non-profit spokeswoman. Yossi Abramowitz - one of the 50 most influential Jews in the world in 2011 & 2012 according to the Jerusalem Post. President and co-founder of the Arava Power Company. Yossi Vardi - an Israeli high-tech entrepreneur.I highly encourage you to go to roisummit2012.ideascale.com and look at what came out of this conference. And yes, I did pitch an idea. One that my co-worker at the Allied Jewish Federation of Colorado, Melissa Scholten-Gutierrez and I have been developing. It is called Tikkun Platoon. This is flash mob philanthropy, where collective identity meets collective responsibility to affect social change. I hope that with the help of the ROI community, this dream will become a reality soon!The amazing thing about ROI is that it is not just a conference, it's a community. I am now a part of something big, with some 800 ROI'ers across the world, we have access to each other and our
talents and microgrant funding for projects. The goal is that through a 1000 ROI'ers, we will reach 1 million people. And it is happening. You may be familiar with G-dcast.com, the weekly parsha videos online or Moshe House? These are both concepts born from ROI. Judging by the brilliance that was posted on IdeaScale, there will be many more.At the end of the day, though, my favorite moment happened on the last day. Lynn Schusterman, who made it possible for me to be at ROI, and I sat together after a morning session and we did our yarn crafts together and chatted. She, knitting a scarf for her grandchildren. I, crocheting a scarf for my friend. We discussed technology and yarn and knitting and the beauty of Colorado. And that is what ROI is about, finding people with similar interests and connecting... Even if there is an age difference.See my ROI profile at http://www.roicommunity.org/users/talia-davis-haykin