I long for my mother's Jerusalem

When I told my mother I was going to be studying in Jerusalem for the fall, the first words out of her mouth were (and I kid you not), "After Sukkot? Bring rain boots!"Her advice was born out of her experience living in Israel with my father in the 70's where they were deluged with rain and she had to purchase wellies here in Jerusalem.And so I brought the less comfortable but more waterproof black boots with me on my adventure (rather than my go-to every(winter)day boots that I wanted to bring). Alas, I have not yet had cause to use them.Israel is in the midst of a rough seven year drought. A couple of years ago, some rabbis even took flight to end it, getting on a flight over Israel to pray for rain. Praying for rain is an ancient custom within Judaism. We have been praying for rain for a very long time. It is structured within our prayers. We are to start asking for rain around Sukkot time however, many don't start praying in earnest for about 10 days after the end of Sukkot (on the 7 of Cheshvan). If we are in such a drought, why not start immediately? Well the tradition stems from when all the Jews would make a pilgrimage to Israel for Sukkot, one of our Shalosh Regalim.Since we eat and hang out in our sukkahs for a week during sukkot (some even sleep in them), it isn't the best idea to then pray for rain, so it was agreed that we would wait until after Sukkot. However, there are all these pilgrims in Jerusalem for this holiday. Surely we don't want to make their journey back home harder or impossible by the land being flooded. So we wait 10 days until the furthest pilgrim is finally home (rough estimates on walking/camel time). It is at that point that we begin praying for rain in earnest.On the flip side of this, it is important to note that when we stop praying for rain, around Passover, we must have the rain stop. If the rain were to continue at that point, the wheat crops would be ruined.At this point it is 27 days since we started praying for rain in Israel, perhaps it is too much to hope that we would have been washed with the cleansing rains from the heavens at this point... but I don't think so. And I don't think it is selfish to say so. I want the rain. I want the rain to quench the land. I want to wear my dusty rain boots. I want the Jerusalem weather of my mother's memory.Jews in Chutz L'aretz (the other lands) will begin praying for rain on December 5. Remember, this isn't rain for Brooklyn or Denver... this is rain for Israel. Israel where we are constantly aware of the unique agricultural aspects of the land and Judaism.Here's hoping I can break out my mother's rain boots soon! (and this 70-80 degree weather breaks!)[And mom... I really do miss those boots I left at home... :)]

Just Keep Swimming

This past week, the Torah portion that we read we Chayei Sarah. In Hebrew this means "The Life of Sarah." The odd thing about this parsha (portion) is that in the first line we read about the death of Sarah. How is this about her life if in the very first line, she dies?Well, everyone has their theories... so let me tell you mine. In Berakhot 18ab our sages tell us "The wicked are called dead even in their lifetime, but the righteous, even after death are called living." Throughout the parsha we learn about how Sarah is living through her son Isaac and his eventual wife Rivka (Rebecca).I think that this is the life of Sarah because as Jewish mothers (or G-d willing, eventual mothers) our legacy lives on within our children. Our actions have lasting effects on ourselves, on our children, on the world. If we choose to involve children in kashrut, we have a better chance of our children keeping kosher. If we light candles with our kids, it will become important to them too. On Passover we tell the four children, "this is because what G-d did for me when I was at Mt. Sinai." We don't say, "you have to do this because you are Jewish." The key to our lasting legacy is our children must see us living our Judaism. Teaching children to give tzadaka (charity) won't stick with them if they don't see us give tzadaka ourselves.I Jew. How do you Jew? Would you like to Jew together?I don't know. That's the decision we all must make in our own time and for ourselves. But we are the legacies of our mothers and will be passing our legacy on to our children and that must figure into our decisions because the things we choose today are not just for ourselves but for our legacy as well.Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Why is this the one physics lesson I remember?  I don't know. I do know that this is true in our lives. We stand in the world with equal but opposite forces pushing in on us. We were given the opportunity to choose which flow to fall into. Close your eyes and imagine standing at the cross-waters of two powerful rivers. You are equally being pushed south and west. Which force is stronger? Neither. So which way do you go? What river is your flow?The beauty I find in Judaism is within the flow. Not every person is up to every mitzvah, no matter how much we wish we were. However, if we can find the flow to our Judaism, we can create a successful and positive legacy. No matter if that means sheitel (wig) or tichel (scarf) or nothing, black hat or bareheaded. Seek out your flow, fall into the river and, as my favorite fish once told me... just keep swimming.

Hashkafic Awareness 101

Your  השקפה - hashkafa is your level of observance/philosophy towards your Jewish practice.This has been seriously highlighted (highlit?) in my life lately. Really ever since I came to Jerusalem. Being on a path to increased observance for almost 12 years, there have been subtle changes to my hashkafa and some less subtle ones.Subtle - realizing all the sudden one day that I am not as comfortable as I have been in the past singing or dancing in front of men.Not subtle - dressing modestly, even in the heat of summer.Subtle - phasing out non-Kosher restaurants (starting by only eating dairy out then being vegetarian).Not subtle - turning off your cell phone for shabbis.You get the picture. But as I spend time in Israel, my practice and observance of Judaism has grown in leaps and bounds. I don't remember the last time I ate in a restaurant that served both milk and meat (here it is a part of the decision process... do you want to be fleshig [eat meat] or be chalavi [eat dairy]). I haven't driven a car, flipped on a light switch, or strained food during the 25 hours of shabbis in 8 weeks. Wow. But now I am in a place where I have to make decisions for the future. In my future home, with my future husband (G-d willing), how will we practice our Judaism?In my home growing up, we followed a lot of the spirit of the halacha (laws) but not always to the letter as defined by a certain rabbi or two. We enjoyed our shabbis and didn't spend money but we watched tv and turned on lights. Our definition of halacha was fluid and evolving. And I loved that but I also like some of the rules... however, some of the minutia is hard for me. You can't tear toilet paper, you can't file a nail, you have to pour the hot water in a cup then into a second cup and then put your Starbucks Via instant coffee in. Perhaps the minutia is hard for me because I didn't grow up with it so in an attempt to understand it better, I am going to have a chevrusa (study group) with one of my teachers/friends/most awesomest chick ever to learn more about these things so I can decide if I can put them into practice.You know what is most interesting to me? Certain things just make sense to me, even if they seem illogical to others. Like covering my hair when I get married. I am thrilled and excited to do it. It seems like a special bond between husband and wife. But I can't not file my nails on shabbis?Sometimes our hashkafa comes out of life experiences or bad experiences with others. My path towards tznius (modest) dressing began with a crappy relationship that left me feeling naked in the world. I realized I didn't want everyone to be privy to me and tznius & shomer negiah (not touching people of the opposite sex) was a way to protect that. Especially when your practice is born out of these types of situations, you have to ensure you are doing it for the right reasons and that they are sustainable, most certainly if you are making decisions about getting married.One of the things that irks me the most is when people assume that there is an end point to hashkafa... I think it is ever evolving. Translations change and so do we. What is relevant for you right now may not make sense in 15 years when your life situation has changed. Nothing is forever and nothing is for certain.That's why we should all just Jew in the now. Express our Judaism by making the word Jew a verb. Judaism is not just a label, it's an action. A hashkafa.

Zivug vs Beshert

In one of my classes last week we were talking about marriage and the concept of Beshert or Zivug. Beshert means soul-mate and zivug, as best as I can find means pair or partner.We were not able to get a clear or seemingly correct answer to the question of the difference of these two. All of the people that I have asked have indicated that in current times, they are exchangeable, meaning the same thing. Some sources online postulated that a beshert is just a match but your zivug is the perfect person you are supposed to be with. However, other sources online stated just the opposite, that your beshert is your perfect mate and zivug is the pair.I found this nice explination of the concept by Rabbi Baruch HaLevi -

Beshert = pre-destined, soulmate (Zivug Rishon in Talmudic and Kabbalistic Literature) Forty days before the formation of an embryo, a Heavenly voice proclaims: The daughter of this one is destined to marry this one. Sanhedrin 22a When Hashem first created man, He created Adam and Chavah together as one, and then He separated them. The RASHBA (TESHUVOS HA'RASHBA 1:60) explains that Hashem first created man and woman together and then separated them, so that they would later be able to come together and be joined and feel like a single unit. Perhaps it is for this reason that before the man is born a Bas Kol (Divine Voice) announces who his Zivug (partner) will be -- this shows that they both come from the same spiritual root, and that the woman that he eventually marries will be part of his own Neshamah (soul). It would be impossible to bond their souls together in such a way after they are created, and therefore Hashem bonds them together before they are created in order for them to be able to bond together strongly. (If one of them is a Tzadik and the other is a Rasha, then one can influence the other to improve since they are bonded together so strongly.) --Talmud, Sota 2 (adapted from  Kollel Iyun Hadaf of Har Nof)

From this text it appears that your beshert is commonly accepted as your ultimate match while there are some Kabbalistic levels of zivug.To add another dimension here, I found this really great etymological breakdown of the word zivug. It is by Rabbi Julian Sinclair on the Jewish Chronical online.

A zivug is a life partner. In modern Hebrew today ben or bat zug is the politically correct term for ones significant other, equivalent to partner in English.The word has some surprising connections to contemporary English via a common Greek root. Zivug comes from the Greek zogen, meaning to join and zeugen, a pair. This comes from the same source as zygote, which, means a complex cell generated by the sexual reproduction of two gametes. According to the invaluable Jewish-words blog balashon, these derive from the Indo-European root yeug, meaning to join, from which we have the words conjugal, jugular, yoke and even yoga, which means union.The etymology tells us that a zivug is not just a life partner. It also has the sense of being the right life partner. The rabbis were under no illusions about how difficult the search for a zivug can be can be. The Talmud (Sotah 2a) writes that it is as hard (for God) to make zivugim as to split the Red Sea. Another source says that since creating the world, matching zivugim has been Gods principal occupation. On the one hand, the rabbis did express the sense of miraculousness about finding ones predestined other half. (Forty days before birth, a heavenly voice goes out and says, This persons son is for that persons daughter.) Yet they are aware, too, of the complexities of the quest for a mate; of first marriages and second marriages and missed opportunities, and how, nevertheless, one may find the right one, through whatever unfathomable means.

Fascinating!The topic has been top of mind for me lately as I continue down my spiritual and ritually observant growth path. In secular society, I worried so much. "Have I missed my beshert?" "Did I not notice him?" "Did I lose out on him because I am in חוץ לארץ (chutz laaretz)*?" It is hard to date in secular society and even harder to date Jewish. Especially if you don't live in NYC. How do you meet people? How do you meet people who practice Judaism the same way you do? That is why I really like the שדכן (shadchan)** style of dating. People who know you setting you up with a person that THEY know to be a good person with similar traits. Now, not so good שדכנם (shadchanim) will set you up with someone because you are both over the age of 30 or something ridiculous. And yes, that has happened to me. But a truly good one will get to know you, listen to you, and match you based on your character traits that are compatible. There isn't really dating to date here. (And by here I mean with in the religiously observant world.) There is dating to marry. No one of this, stay in a bad relationship for 5 years but he won't propose. Meet, go on dates, decide if you get along and want to go on more, decide if you could marry this person after many dates, get married. OR meet, go on dates, decide that the chemistry isn't there, say thanks but no thanks. There are, of course, some downsides but all in all, I sincerely prefer it to secular dating.Novel idea, eh?Glossary -*חוץ לארץ - chutz laaretz = The diaspora**שדכן - shadchan = matchmaker (without all the negative connotations and Fiddler on the Roof references that you are thinking of RIGHT NOW)

Weekly Torah Reading

For those of you who don't know, I write a weekly Torah portion summary for the fabulous and famous, Patheos.This week's portion is Noach (or as he is commonly known, Noah). I hope you get a moment to read my short parsha summary here - Parsha Noach. I promise you, it's easy to read, you will be a hit at the shabbis table tonight with your new knowledge, and there is a really cool video at the end!You can always find my parshot at the Jewish Portal of Patheos along with tons of other really interesting articles. And if you are interested in finding any other parsha, check out my Tiptoeing Through The Torah page.

A journey to matter... a hike to BE

I am on a journey.We know the journey never ends. At least that is what all the stories and moshuls* and cliche's tell us. It's not the destination, it's the journey.Every step along the way provides new cognizance, illumination, and often times erudition of ideas.I have lived 30 long years. Nothing in my life was given or taken in halves. When life was really mamish** good, it was good and when it was bad... it was mamish bad. And דווקא (davka***), I always came out the other end, eventually in better shape than when I went in.And, baruch Hashem****, I feel like my life is finally fall into the right places. But what brought about this change? Isn't that the question we are always asked? You found success in life growth!? How did you do it? And then you get the answers like, "just let go and stop thinking about it and (choose one) -1. it will get better2. you will find your soul mate3. you will know the right choice4. (fill in the blank)Right. I get it. I totally understand what people are saying but it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes you need to really dig into your life and see what is going on. Sometimes you hear the right lessons at the right times and sometimes you hear the right lessons at the wrong times.Lately, for me, it's been all the right ones at the right times, baruch Hashem. The most recent and most impact-FULL one came during the intermediate days of Sukkot (the Chol Hamoed days). I was fortunate to hear a very cool rabbi speak.You may know Rabbi Shmuley Boteach from his best selling books (like Kosher Sex) or TLC tv show, Shalom in the Home. I am fortunate that his daughter is studying with me at my Sem*****. He was visiting our Sem, Mayanot, over Chol Hamoed with his wife and two of his daughters and was dropping one of the girls off here for school. We were finishing up a Chassidus****** class when he came by and he was asked and kindly consented to, delivering a '30 second' teaching to us.This '30 second' teaching opened 100 doors for me and offered such clarity. I will humbly share my imperfect version of his teaching.First of all, for those of you who are unfamiliar with him, Rabbi Boteach's specialty is relationships and repairing troubled marriages. So, Rabbi Boteach tells us that our true fear is not of not being loved or dying or (fill in fear here) but rather the fear that we don't matter. I want you to think about that for a minute. It's okay, I'll wait. The root of all our fears is feeling insignificant. We cause problems in our relationships, we stay away from relationships, we are workaholics all because we want to matter to the people around us.In fact he said, "Are you a success in life if the people who mean the most to you, think the least of you?" That is our fear.We feel like through our actions, our doing, we begin to matter. I have to get a 4.0 in high school, I have to get into the best college, I have to get a masters, I have to write books, I have to have my name on a building... But that isn't what really matters in life. Those things fade. They cause conflict in life. Now he isn't advocating sloth and abandonment of all "get up and go" drive to get things done or accomplished. But why are you doing those things? So you matter? Are you afraid that when you die, your family will bury you and then forget you? But you are going about it all wrong. Education doesn't last longer than your brain, books sit on shelves getting dusty, buildings fall down or are demolished and replaced.Wow. Are we depressed yet? I know that I am exhausted from trying to matter, from trying to be everything to everyone. So what is the solution?Being.In Judaism we believe that we are born in the 'image' of G-d, therefore (to start) we already are of infinite consequence. Rather than doing things to prove who you are, why don't you just BE who you are? That doesn't mean you can't work hard or get degrees or build buildings but put the right intention behind it. BE.Some of the most influential people in this world are not remembered. We don't know their names but they made our lives infinitely better because of who they were in this world.We have two options in life. We can prove that we matter by doing or by being. But you can never fully succeed by doing. So why do we fight so hard to do? The Lubavitcher Rebbe spent so much of his life helping people realize they matter and in that he was the epitome of being. The Rebbe would sit with anyone who needed council or a word of encouragement. He would respond to letters, listen to people that other people had thrown away. He taught us how to be.Rabbi Boteach made this great analogy and I will try to explain it to my non-Jewish readers."College is about doing. Yeshiva is about being. And Chassidus is the art of being." College is about grades and tests and community service. College focuses on what you are going to do with your future. Yeshiva or seminary, that is about being. At Mayanot, we live here, we are fed here, we are cared for. I only have to get dressed, get breakfast and walk into a 12 hour day of studying. I get to BE and not worry about the physical aspects of rent and bills and worries. Chassidus (and I try to explain this below in the "glossary") is the art of being. How does this work? In Chassidus, we take the laws, the Halacha, in Judaism and find the spiritual aspects."The greatest human fear is that we are ordinary." -Rabbi BoteachOkay. but why do we fear ordinary? And how could any of us be ordinary with the divine spark that G-d gave us? Sure, easy enough to say but do I even believe that about myself? All the time? No, but I am starting to realize that in my everyday actions, I am extraordinary. Every time I say a bracha******* over my food, I am bringing something incredible into this ordinary piece of sustenance. Rabbi Boteach ended with a reference to the Torah portion we were about to read on Simchat Torah, Vezot Ha'Bracha. This is literally the last portion in the Torah. The end Devarim where Moshe (Moses) blesses each of the tribes (except for Shimon but that's for another time) and then dies. He dies on a mountain alone with G-d and no one knows where he is buried. The reason G-d did this was to ensure that we didn't pray to Moshe as a false idol since he was the only leader we had known at the time.How does this relate? We should all strive to be the hero without the spotlight, like Moshe. He dies alone with no fanfare after taking us out of Mitzrayim (Egypt) and leading us through the desert and listening to our whining. No one will even know where he is buried. His reward is nothing physical. Not even Jews saying Tehillim (Psalms) at his grave.His life was for us, not for him. And so we should strive to live the same. Stop worrying about our ego and looking trendy and start living for klal Yisroel, all of Israel... for each other. Look up from your iPod, get your nose out of your Blackberry and help a lady with her groceries.Then you will matter.I realized I needed to start having a glossary at the end... *moshul = example**mamish = really (used for emphasis)***דווקא - davka = impossible to really define. Used here as 'for all that' or surprisingly. This guy has good options of understanding this word.****Baruch Hashem = thank G-d (literally, bless the name)*****Sem = Seminary = a place for observant Jewish girls to go study after high school******Chassidus = From Wikipedia - Hassidism is a branch of Orthodox Judaism that promotes spirituality and joy through the popularisation and internalisation of Jewish mysticism as the fundamental aspects of the Jewish faith. And a class in Chassidus teaches how to connect Judaism to mysticism and deeper meanings of many rituals. Our Chassidus classes are based on the teachings of the Lubavitcher Rebbe... aka Chabad*******Bracha = blessing

Sukkah in the City

There is a very cool contest going on in NYC right now for Sukkot. A Sukkah City contest.12 unique (to say the least) sukkahs have been erected in Union Square. They are stunning works of architecture. I high recommend that if you are in or near NYC that you visit (and trust me, bring your camera).Otherwise, for the rest of us, we will have to settle for this video from The Forward.Union Square's High-Concept Sukkahs from Jewish Forward on Vimeo.Find more information about the project here - sukkahcity.com

You Shall Live in Booths...

Sukkot in Jerusalem is really a sight to be seen. There are sukkahs on top of sukkahs. Every restaurant has one on the street (why? because men especially must eat all their food in a sukkah, if that is your minhag [tradition] and if a restaurant wants to be open during sukkot, they have to have a sukkah for these guys) and walking home at night, you see these beautiful booths lit up on every street.As soon as Yom Kippur is over, it is tradition to start building your sukkah. Some people just do a bit and finish the next day but some families get on it that night. There are two main parts to this holiday -

“On the first day you shall take the product of hadar trees, branches of palm trees, boughs of leafy trees, and willows of the brook” (Lev. 23:40), and“You shall live in booths seven days; all citizens in Israel shall live in booths, in order that future generations may know that I made the Israelite people live in booths when I brought them out of the land of Egypt” (Lev. 23:42-43).

The first part concerns the Lulav and Etrog. The lulav, as a bunch, is made up of three species - Willow, Myrtle, and Palm. The word lulav refers to the closed palm frond that is the spine or the middle of the bundle called a lulav. The myrtle is called hadass. It has small oval leaves and represents the eyes. Then comes the willow which is called arvah and with it's long leaves, represents the mouth. The last part of this package is the etrog, a citron fruit whose shape resembles the heart. There is another midrash that gives us different symbolism.

  • The lulav has taste but no smell, symbolizing those who study Torah but do not possess good deeds.
  • The hadass has a good smell but no taste, symbolizing those who possess good deeds but do not study Torah.
  • The aravah has neither taste nor smell, symbolizing those who lack both Torah and good deeds.
  • The etrog has both a good taste and a good smell, symbolizing those who have both Torah and good deeds. (thanks to Wikipedia for that)

Here is the lulav that my father bound for the family this year at home in Colorado -I went on a hunt on erev Sukkot (i.e. our holidays begin at night so this was during the day when sukkot was beginning that night) for some cool sukkot pictures in Jerusalem. We went to the ultra orthodox areas. While we couldn't go into the main shouk (market) I did get some neat shots...Also, we build the sukkah to eat, play, and sleep in for the 7 days of sukkot. There are some rules surrounding this dwelling. (For a fun but halachicly [legally] sound version of these rules, head over to my blog - The Laws of Sukkah According to Dr. Seuss.)Some groups choose not to decorate their sukkahs but others decorate them with fruit and vegetables and pictures and lights, etc. I heard one person exclaim, "It's like a Jewish Christmas tree!" Not quite but fun all the same.Here are some sukkah pictures that I collected on my walk -

Yom Kippur in Israel

All of the holidays in Israel are somewhat of a surreal experience. This is especially the case for any of us who come from towns, cities, or places where we aren't surrounded by Jews constantly. If you live in Crown Heights or Boro Park or Williamsburg or even the Pico/Robertson area in LA... you are surrounded by Jews. You don't feel like a minority but in Vero Beach, Florida or Broomfield, Colorado... you would be hard pressed to find someone "like" you. And so has been my existence. Judaism was a family thing for me and less of a communal experience. Sure we had our shuls and that community but we didn't leave near each other nor did we walk to shul so what we had rested in the walls of our synagogue.Jerusalem, in fact Israel, could not be more different. Walking to or from our host families homes for meals on the chaggim (holidays) you see the streets filled with walkers. Sometimes a car will woosh past you but when it does you remark on it with surprise rather than it being the norm. But the best part? The best part of it all... saying Shana Tova or Shabbat Shalom or Chag Sameach to everyone who you pass. It is as if all of Jerusalem becomes one community on the holidays.On Yom Kippur this is especially true. This holiday seems to be the one sobering Jewish fact in the land of Judaism. Secular Jews and less observant Jews will drive on Shabbis or Rosh Hashanah (despite the observant Jews' interpretation of the prohibition to drive on holidays). However, on Yom Kippur, you will find the streets empty of all cars. Even in Tel Aviv which is known for being secular, it is gauche to drive on this sacred day.

The only cars you will see on the road on Yom Kippur are ambulances. The national television and radio also are not broadcast on this day. Our rabbi told us that the lines for Blockbuster are around the block for families who don't celebrate Yom Kippur in preparation of this day!

Yom Kippur in Jerusalem or Tel Aviv is quite a sight to see. But I wasn't there. Instead I chose to spend my Yom Kippur, one of our holiest days, in one of the four holiest cities to Judaism... Tzfat.

Tzfat or Safed or Tsfat or Sefat or Zefat (our multiple ways of trying to recreate a sound that we don't have in English) remains the center of Jewish mysticism, Kabbalah. A hotly contested hill, Tzfat has been home to Jews since the Torah. It was allocated within the land for the tribe of Naftali. The Babyars wiped it out in the 1200's, there was a HUGE influx of incredible rabbis during the Spanish Inquisition of around 1492 and there was a Hebrew printing press there by around 1577. I highly recommend visiting to anyone who is in Israel or coming. Today it is a beautiful mix of shuls, artists, and mysticism.

I traveled with four other women to stay at a lovely hostel called Ascent where we were put up for two nights and they had their own services. It was an incredible and spiritual experience. On Yom Kippur we fast and intensely pray to G!d for not just forgiveness for past deeds but our future. This year, Yom Kippur fell on a Shabbat which makes it an even greater day. We are expressly told not to fast on Shabbat. It is a joyous day not to be marred by fasting or sadness (though I believe there are some exceptions). On Shabbat Yom Kippur, we fast. Many people believe that Yom Kippur is a sad day but that is just the impressions from the trappings (fasting, wearing white, calling out confessions) when in fact it is a joyous day. We are celebrating G-d's intense love for us and us for G-d. Adding the joy of shabbat with the joy of Yom Kippur makes this a special year. Additionally, here I am, standing on top of a mountain (Tzfat is the highest city in the country) shouting my praise and adoration for G-d. My body was physically depleted but my soul was soaring.

The morning after Yom Kippur, we rolled out of our hard, hostel beds and wow! The sun was shining so bright, it was as if we were all standing like Moses in front of G-d's essence of Mount Sinai. I knew this new year was going to be an amazing one.

*Thanks to my Tzfat, Mayanot, and Snorkel & Study buddy Rucheli for that last pic. Check out her blog here - Rucheli's Writings